I’m thinking about the femmes of color and trans women who started the tradition of resistance, and pride. I’m thinking about butches like Stormé DeLarverie who is credited with starting the riot that became Stonewall. I’m thinking about the politics of pride: who belongs there? Who looks ‘queer enough’? What if someone is in a sexual minority like asexual, polyamorous, trans, which doesn’t necessarily “look queer” from the outside? Who profits from queer pain? Are corporate sponsors a good idea? What is it like to have a police presence at pride, when police are responsible for the ongoing deaths of young black men in particular?
I’m thinking about my own experiences with pride parades, mostly being too hot too loud too claustrophobic with too many bodies pressed against me and unable to move. I’m thinking about the times I threw “introvert’s pride” with like five people at my house and we made white wine sangria and ordered take-out (that was great).
I saw this video youtube video recently and it blew my mind. Molly Crabapple is a phenomenal illustrator and I was just riveted. I’m grateful that these stories keep being unearthed, that we’re giving some credit, even if for the most part that history is full of cis white gay men taking visible credit. I invite you to watch it, and think about pride.
Love,
Zed
PS: The Stonewall riots were June 28th, 1969; on Thursday, I invite you to light a candle, direct some orgasmic energy, or do whatever you want to do to honor our queer lineage of kisses.
Category: Newsletter
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Pride month. Reveal and Witness.
Pride is a consciousness of one’s own dignity. An experience of feeling worthy, of honor and respect. Reveal and tell, a witness listens and this action expresses dignity.
In my journey to learn more about listening, I watched the TED talk The Power of Two – How Listening Shapes Storytelling: Paul Browde & Murray Nossel. They say, “Listening and telling, one can not exist without the other.” It is in listening to their story, that I can become a better listener.
I also recommend watching Sayantani DasGupta discuss narrative humility. In this talk, she eloquently speaks about human need to been seen and heard.
I am moved by the power of the witness, and acknowledge that this is what we do for each other at Body Trust.
Thank you for listening to our stories all these years, I feel honored.
Enjoy Pride Month,
Alex
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the tender beauty
To me, spring seems ebullient but also fragile. This poem captured that sensation for me.
Enjoy,
Amy
Form & Void
For him [the autistic child], everything is form.
—Jane Kessler
Glory be to God for dappled things…
All things counter, original, spare, strange….
—Gerard Manley Hopkins
The boy is blowing bubbles
with his mother, shimmering orbs
that glitter and dance
on the face of the lawn.
He prances after them, staring
with the deep mirror of his eyes
as they pop and disappear.
Flapping his arms, he chases them
toward the garden cosmos,
their mauve and lilac gowns
of silk voile waltzing
in the breeze.
He orbits around his mother
as she dips in her wand,
produces these baubles
from breath and film.
The glassy bubbles rise in a swirl
of pink and blue, a moment’s iridescence.
This is the only magic the mother can conjure;
she cannot help him talk or say his name.
But they can do this together,
blow bubbles on a breezy afternoon,
make a strand of hand-blown beads
to grace the throat of the lawn.
— Barbara Crooker, author of Selected Poems
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a tarot spread for beltaine
The trees and flowers where I am are blooming blooming blooming abundantly.
May first is the cross-quarter of Beltaine, the halfway point between the spring equinox and the summer solstice. Traditionally, a maypole celebration marks Beltaine. It is a symbol of fertility, a coming together for power and creation, a weaving of binaries and polarities. <— That’s me trying to take the gender out of it, but traditional paganism is abundant with binary gender. For example, the hole for the pole was dug by the women, a symbol of receptivity. And the pole was erected within the hole, and … well, you get what that’s about. It’s a challenge to approach paganism with more non-binary awareness. Still, the symbols of the hole and the pole are potent and earthly and human. The ribbons criss-crossed around the pole in some traditions were black and white, symbolizing even more coming together and weaving of the polarities.
Beltaine is also the cross-quarter that mirrors the October 31st celebration of Samhain, and in both celebrations we are in more etherial times, closer to other planes — the “veil of the worlds is thin,” as they commonly say.
So, this is a time of tapping in to intuition, inner knowing, the thread of connection between us and the divine, god, the collective unconscious — whatever we want to name it.
I’ve been throwing a lot of Tarot cards lately, not so much as a ‘divination’ tool as a tool for personal insight. I ask, “What do I most need to know about today?” and feel into the deck in the mornings, choosing one that has just a little zap of energetic heat, and I read descriptions of the card throughout the day. First, usually, in one (or seven, depending on how much time I have) of the dozen books of Tarot that I have at home; later, usually I look around on different Tarot websites whose interpretations I trust, or I search Instagram for the card’s hashtag — #kingofcups — and look at the various imagery from various decks, and read their interpretations too.
Mostly I’ve been pulling one at a time, but sometimes I throw a larger spread. I did one for my birthday, and one for spring equinox. I’ve been looking around for a Beltaine spread and found this one:
- The positions of the cards symbolize different things. In this spread:
- The hole. What is your level of readiness and receptivity for something new?
- The pole. What energies are around you and ready to help you create something wonderful?
- The black ribbon. What must you relinquish in order to achieve your goals this spring?
- The white ribbon. What active energies must you utilize — the things you must actually do — to achieve your goals this spring.
I threw this spread on Tuesday and received some very supportive and loud truths. I took a photo of the spread with my phone and made it my phone background so I could keep it in mind in the next week or two … or however long until I’m ready for a new note-to-self.
Of course, if you aren’t feeling drawn to the Tarot version, you could always use these as writing prompts or meditations or places to contemplate. I’m working on a write-up of my own thoughts on my instagram, and maybe that’ll make it over to my online writing project too, find me there if you want more on this.
I’d love to hear if juicy things come out of this for you, too.
Blossom away,
Zed
Thanks to Christiana Gaudet for this spread.
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Pleasure Tonic
Stuck in your winter cave? Had overwhelming emotions or loss? Have been physically challenged by multiple respiratory infections and the flu only to be followed by springtime allergies? Need replenishment? Do you need some help?
Use pleasure as a tonic. Create experiments that focus on receiving pleasure. You can start with a sip of pleasure. One minute of pleasure, with full presence. Breath. Take in a beautiful image, nourishing touch, a sexy flirt or a tasty bite. These initial minutes of pleasure will build on each other. Notice the results.
Taking in pleasure may melt the numbness or warm up some emotions. Use pleasure to bath yourself, and wash away what may be painful or if you have some suffering.
What if we joined together and shared our pleasure tonic? Here is a taste of my pleasure experiments. Please share yours.
with pleasure,
Alex
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Been there. Done that.
Sometimes it can be hard to crawl out of the cave after a long winter’s hibernation.
Not only because I am stiff and undernourished, having worked through all my fat stores over the winter (oh, if only that were true…read this interesting article on the metabolic winter we may be missing!).
But also, because I’m a bit jaded. I think I know what I’ll find once I step back out into the sun.
Been there. Done that.
Obviously, I am wrong, but how can I remind myself of that. How can I have a tangible scientific proof!
Well, self, here are just a few recent examples of when thought we knew everything, but didn’t:
- A new organ human organ—the interstitium—is discovered in the body. A fluid filled mesh throughout the body may be the key to communication.
- Beautiful trove of phantom quartz crystals laying in plain site, that is if you happen to be a tree planter wandering through the British Columbia forest.
- The quest to understand female ejaculate continues, with recent findings showing a mix of urine and PSA (prostatic-specific antigen).
- The movements of the oceans are creating a 2nd magnetic force here on earth
So, self, get off your butt and crawl your way out into a world full of surprises.
Spring has sprung!
— Amy
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There is no failure.
I did this interesting thing and followed my impulse and booked a flight on Southwest points to LA to see the fourth of a four-show series by Taylor Mac. He’s performing a 24-Decade History of Popular Music, and each decade is an hour. AN HOUR. So the original show was 24 hours long. In a row. Twenty-four hours in a row of singing, dancing, performance art, entertainment, elaborate costumes.
The show I saw was only 6 hours.
And, as everybody warned, it flew by. I never once said to myself, “How much longer is this show?” (Which I frequently do in other contexts.) People I know seem to have either heard about this show and rave about it, or have never heard of it. Doesn’t seem like there’s an in-between.
Aside from the performance and music, the politics were one of the most incredible pieces of it. I did see the most recent 6 decades, from the civil rights era to now, so that was all very relevant, but my understanding is that it was woven throughout. He was so damn smart about so much.
Honestly, I have no idea how to explain it. I’m not going to try. I didn’t know what to expect when I went. I decided to go for it because a friend who had seen it was raving about it, and rather than actually understand the descriptions that were coming out of her mouth, I understood the energetic transformation she was describing, and I was intrigued by the way she lit up and was in awe, just recounting her experience.
It felt like the first time someone tried to explain their experience in a Body Electric workshop. I didn’t know what they were talking about, but I recognized and wanted the feeling of it.
Here’s the little trailer for the show he does. He’s still touring with it, for a little longer, going to visit Tempe and Tallahassee and Philadelphia and London and a few other places. If you happen to have some airline points hanging around and want to have an artist’s date with yourself, I highly recommend it.
— Zed
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Spring Cleaning?
Springtime, with the slow push of growth and the emergence of possibility, finds me eager to clean up and clean out. It is detox time.
Think broadly about detoxification with some inquiry. What have you taken in from your social, political or civic arena that you are hanging on to, do your cells need to revitalize, does your environment nourish you? Notice how you physically feel or if your lungs, or your skin, or your belly could use a tune up. Detox can vary from simple to rigorous.
Here are some examples of a detox:
- Take a break from social media, cell phones, and the national news
- Drink fresh green juice
- Use a neti pot
- Focused breathing exercises
- Exercise in the woods
If you notice that it is time for a major cleanse, I suggest designing a cleanse for your particular needs. It is worth reading and rereading Chapter 8 (the Detox chapter) in Radical Healing by Rudolph Ballentine, MD.
Have fun.
Alex
The spring equinox is today. It is a time of balance, a time when the length of time between sunset and sunrise is equal to the time between sunrise and sunset.
Most of the writings and thoughts about this time talk about the “dark” and the “light”, using it as a metaphor for bad and good, bliss and struggle, unconscious and conscious. I think this metaphor of dark-as-bad and light-as-good has been so embedded into culture that in subtle ways, it reinforces racism and white supremacy. Language is socially constructed — concepts are socially constructed.
The metaphor also discounts the value of the “dark” times, which have just as much richness, expertise, teachings, and comfort as the “light” times.
What kinds of metaphors we could come up with around dark-as-good and light-as-bad? Light can be blinding and white-hot. Dark can be the richest, most nutrient-dense soil. Light can burn, can expose, can shock. Dark can be comforting, cozy, private, safe.
So while we’re here in the balance of the daytime and the nighttime, I’m thinking about darkness and daytime, and how deep our cultural values are embedded in our language. I’m remembering, too, that language is malleable — it changes when culture changes, but sometimes changing the language first can support the change of culture.
It’s been such a pleasure for me to follow and celebrate the year wheel more closely these past through years, through Body Trust and through my own personal practices.
Are you doing anything specific to celebrate the equinox?
Love,
Zed
PS: Consider this photo above, for example — the person could be coming out of a difficult situation, looking out into the world anew and letting the sunshine in after a long period of isolation. Or, they could be comfortable in their own house (or tent?), and nervous about the outside; it could hurt their eyes to adjust to the brightness; there could be someone frightening and dangerous outside, where they could be safe inside. There are so many ways to interpret.
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Embracing the inconvenient
Sometimes the struggle is the whole point
The other day, I swiped across the off-white surface of the book I was reading. Nothing happened. I tapped harder on a single word, hoping the definition might pop up and save me from having to reach up onto the shelf and pull down the dictionary for an analog search. Sometimes, I love convenience.
But other times, convenience reduces friction and makes life feel too slippery.
Sometimes, it is only inconvenience that gives us a chance to connect to one another, to break out of our insulated bubbles of our Spotify channels, our podcast stream, to speak to the person next to us, say when the internet goes down or our phone battery dies.
But it wasn’t until I read Tim Wu’s wonderful essay entitled “The Tyranny of Convenience” that I got it what was irking me about convenience:
“Today’s cult of convenience fails to acknowledge that difficulty is a constitutive feature of human experience. Convenience is all destination and no journey. But climbing a mountain is different from taking the tram to the top, even if you end up at the same place. We are becoming people who care mainly or only about outcomes. We are at risk of making most of our life experiences a series of trolley rides.”
Does this resonate for you?
Inconveniently yours,
Amy